Thursday, August 28, 2014
Women who had many lovers before they wed are more likely to go on to have unhappy marriages, a study claims.
But, the research suggests, this does not appear to apply to men – who apparently can play the field before tying the knot without fear of any detrimental effect on their future marital bliss.
More than half of women (53 percent) who had only ever slept with their future husband felt highly satisfied in their marriage, falling to 42 percent for those who have had two partners, the study found.
Yet barely a fifth (22 percent) of women who had ten or more partners went on to feel highly satisfied in marriage, according to the National Marriage Project at Virginia University, in the US.
“This association was not statistically significant for men,” it said. But while the husbands may appear to do very well out of the findings, there is a downside – and one that is not too flattering for men.
For, in attempting to explain the reason for the trend, the study’s authors said the more experience a woman has had of other partners, may increase her awareness of alternatives – quite possibly better ones.
“A strong sense of alternatives is believed to make it harder to maintain commitment to, and satisfaction with, what one already has,” says co-author Professor Galena Rhoades of the Denver University’s psychology department.
“Marriage involves leaving behind other options, which may be harder to do with a lot of experience.” The report adds: “Having had more relationship experiences prior to marriage also means more experience of breaking up. A history of multiple break-ups may make people take a more jaundiced view of love and relationships.”
The study tracked the relationships of 1 294 men and women aged 18-34 for five years, during which 418 got married.
Professor Rhoades said many young people in “Generation YOLO (you only live once)” believe what happens while you’re young won’t affect your future.
“But our research paints a different picture. How they conduct their romantic lives before they tie the knot is linked to their odds of having happy marriages,” she said. - Daily Mail
Now does that explain my wife's unhappiness within her marriage? Perhaps but if this is her second marriage and she's acting the same way she did during her first marriage then how many people did she sleep with before her first marriage and then during her first marriage and after her first marriage and the exact same questions apply for her second marriage..... there will be no happiness for her in any marriage ( even at number 50 ) until she realises that her biggest problem lies within her.
Thursday, August 7, 2014
This is a story where I really have no idea where to begin but the answer itself lies in the title I suppose. We know the old saying which goes "guns don't kill people, people kill people" and basically it's really the same with anything and everything including Facebook. You can't blame Facebook for the actions of the people using it just as you can't blames guns for killing people but rather the people using it..... anyway here's:
"DOES FACEBOOK MAKES WHORES AND ADDICTS OR JUST MY GOOD WIFE?"
I first met my second wife ( the one in question ) via Facebook. She sent me a "friend request" and that's how the ball got rolling so Facebook is in actual fact the way the whole entire mess I'm in, got started. Till then my use of Facebook was to keep up and in touch with old friends and family because I was living so far away but what I was about to learn from my wife was ( and possibly may always be ) ... perhaps let's just say that shocking is an understatement!
Here's just a small list of things she used Facebook for and believe me, I've summarised this list as far as possible:
1. Hooking up with married and single men to have sex
2. Arranging for all kinds of drugs and various different substances.
Now as per point 1, once again upon reading her Facebook messages it became very apparent like a smack in the face, the type of woman I had married. Nearly every man that she had sex with was married! Add to that the fact that she herself was a married woman and you would think again but not in her case.
She managed to get work, money and other things, all thanks to these married / engaged and sometimes gentlemen ( but mostly other women's men ) who knew that her greatest talent, unfortunately for me and all her loved ones, lay between her legs. I must also say that I would be doing a great injustice if I didn't mention that she has a penchant for Indian men. What an industry she's established. She could literally get anything her heart desired using Facebook. Can't blame a girl for using her skills now can we and what great skills they are! ( That's first-hand experience talking ).
Let's go to point 2 for a moment shall we, the arranging of drugs... she would arrange for drugs for herself or meet someone for drugs. These drugs were only limited to her imagination as she really has tried and tested nearly every drug known to mankind! Now imagine what kind of damage someone like this can do both to themselves and to others but such is the way life as I've gotten to know it has become.
Now just for a second stop and ponder this what happens if she met up with these men ( who as I said before all belong to other women ) and brought the 2 points together ala drugs and sex, which I'm almost certainly sure has been the case. Was it a case of "leave your wife for tonight, get us drugs and I'll have sex with you"? Who knows, only she and the multitude of men she's slept with along the way can tell you.
The irony is that when one glances at her Facebook profile, you see nothing there that really lends itself to the person who she truly is and one actually ( like myself ) may even believe that she possesses an ounce of goodness and innocence but woe to anyone who falls into that web of lies because bubbling under this façade is one hell of a mess of a person! she has zero moral and zero care for anyone or anything in her way. Stand in her way and she will take you out. For any guy reading this, this is the kind of girl your mother warned you about.
OK so I married this person, what now? Well the first thing I did when I learnt of these things was to find a way to distance her from these negative influences and we agreed that she should stay off Facebook and various other social media. The agreement went well until about a month ago, I left for home to spend time with my mother in Uitenhage. It was then that all hell broke loose once again because barely a few days, and in my absence, she started using Facebook, Whatsapp and everything under God beautiful sun!
She then shouts and screams at me with rant of "you're trying to control me" and "no more control" plus a whole lot of other things which I won't go into and all this as a reason for her to commit all kinds of heinous things via Facebook. She called me a couple of days ago, apologising and saying she was wrong etc etc but that is after 3 weeks of unsupervised Facebook action.
Now when I met her she had already given birth to 3 beautiful children and now one of mine, so you can imagine someone of her character who is able to access all the drugs in the world and all the married men in the world can do unabated. My heart breaks when I think of all the potential she has or the type of mother she is to all her children but honestly what can I do? She has the wool pulled over her own family's eyes so no one sees anything of what she does and all her lies are believed.
Unfortunately this is my wife and I still see good in her, whilst I know that's ridiculous, there's a light that still glimmers inside me hoping that she'll see how wrong she is and make herself right in order to be a good mother to her children, a good wife to her husband, a good daughter to her parents and a good sister to her siblings..... but that light is flickering. I'm the ass who was dumb enough to believe in a drug addict, a woman with no morals whatsoever and someone who in actuality is a pathological liar, Who's really fooling who?
So this story ends with the same question it began with:
"DOES FACEBOOK MAKE WHORES OR DUG ADDICTS OR JUST MY GOOD WIFE?"