This article for me is extremely informative and again may provide some background to my relationships especially to that relating to my second wife. She cheated on me several times and confessed this to me and her family but the true extent of her cheating may never ever be known to anyone but her. Anyone who has ever been in a relationship with a cheater knows exactly how this cycle works as painful and as hurtful as it may be. Read this study and gain some sort of understanding to those people who chose to violate the sanctity of their marriages / relationships:

"It is said that when a man marries his mistress, he creates a vacancy.
[SOURCE - iol.co.za]

I read this the other day and thought to myself, within this article lies something which may provide an answer to me specifically regarding my 2nd wife's behaviour. Needless to say, I really don't have a tally on how many people she's slept with and together with her drug usage and dissociative moments, I'm pretty sure that she doesn't either. If you read on you will see that one's happiness within marriage tends to sway depending on the amount of people you've slept with .... the I have "options" drama, well that's what this study suggests.....

Women who had many lovers before they wed are more likely to go on to have unhappy marriages, a study claims.

This is a story where I really have no idea where to begin but the answer itself lies in the title I suppose. We know the old saying which goes "guns don't kill people, people kill people" and basically it's really the same with anything and everything including Facebook. You can't blame Facebook for the actions of the people using it just as you can't blames guns for killing people but rather the people using it..... anyway here's:

This story is perhaps one that confuses maybe the most out of everything. Wife 2 had a drug problem and amongst other things suffers to walk the social and religious moral boundaries in so many aspects. No matter how many sins she's committed I've always tried to see the best aspects of her even if they're entirely in my head though many times to my own detriment. They say hindsight is 20/20 so I'm guessing this next story as with so many should've been a tell-tale sign to me but anyone that knows me, knows I rationalize things in my head so that the other person appears better than what they really are. Without further ado, here's:


So about 2 years ago, my wife worked for a petrochemical pump management company in Alrode, Johannesburg. The company, like so many encouraged good health and so on and one of these episodes had them have free HIV testing. Like so many companies this is a good practise and all employees are encouraged to take part, after all, it is a good thing to know your HIV status.

My wife, being part of management, obviously had to lead by example and take the test in an effort to get all employees involved thus leading by example. So she had her test. These days these test are very quick and within the hour you'll know your result. For me, however, I never doubted her result from the onset, knowing that she is a married woman and even after her many affairs and cheating, I still never believed she'd get a positive result.

She came home that day with a certificate of sorts which proclaimed her status as HIV negative and that she had "passed' the test and like I said it wasn't a surprise to me but her elation and over enthusiasm made me ponder. Of course I was happy but why was she so over the moon?

Then she went to her parents and proclaimed her excitement over her negative status showing her entire family her certificate. This made me wonder even more and to this day I still do and quite possibly till I lay dying on my deathbed, I may not fully understand why she had to really celebrate her "victory" over the HIV test?

If you're not sleeping around and neither is your husband then this test shouldn't even be a worry should it? Why would you be so over-the-moon that you passed an HIV test if you're not promiscuous or even had a blood transfusion in the past few months or even been sharing needles with fellow drug addicts because isn't that how HIV is contracted? The only reason you would marvel at your negative status, frankly, is because you have been sleeping around, or had a blood transfusion or even shared needles with your fellow drug addicts and weren't sure about your status isn't it?

I know, without a doubt that if I took the HIV test that I'd be declared HIV negative as I've always known throughout my life thanks to always being careful and making sure of things etc. I've had at least 3 HIV tests over the past 7 years and I don't even think it ever crossed my mind to call my mother or family members and boast at the fact ...



My question then is, what the hell was I missing because of her over exuberance at the fact that:

The emotional pain that I have inside me almost seems bountiless at times, like a sea of eternal darkness where no destination is chartered or any protection from the cruel elements is given. There are some stories of things that have happened in my life that I will never ever know the answer to and this story once again is one of those, and sadly, I know I could never ever get over the devastion my heart and soul has felt and nor will I ever know the truth behind the events that transpired as even tonight I, 3 years later, have gotten yet another version of these events from my wife. Here's the accounts as I was told ...


So around January 2010, my wife says she thinks she may be pregnant because she knows when she's pregnant. We had then been only married for a few weeks and like any father to be, this was some of the greatest news I had ever heard and I had no doubt that she knew exactly what she was talking about because she had already given birth to 3 kids before.

We went to a chemist in Melville, Johannesburg. The chemist was one of those that was open a little later than the others and I went in and bought the pregnancy test. We then went to the KFC, close to Campus Square, where she went in and 'completed' the pregnancy test. She came out to the car where I waited, climbed in and told me the good news.

Almost as though God himself had given me a vision to see the future, I asked her whether she was going to keep the child ( which obviously I wanted ) or abort it, as that seemed to be the depth of depravity which glazed across her drug filled eyes. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said she wanted to keep it and I was more than satisfied with that answer. Perhaps the word I'm looking for is elated or as a phrase, best feeling that I had ever felt and I'm sure that any father would agree and tell you that news of a child is the best news any married man could get, especially with someone who had his heart.

I'm going to jump ahead a little bit here and tell you that one day she just stopped contacting me ( remembering that she didn't live with me at the time ), she stopped seeing me, stopped answering my calls. I wept the first night and my heart was torn. Where was my wife, my pregnant wife? What would happen now? Would I ever see my child or her again?

Now here lies a story within a story which I will cover again when I have the time but unbeknownst to me, she had hooked up with her previous boyfriend, who coincidentally was also feeding her drug habit. So one day I get an early morning call and she said she was spotting and that she would like to see a gynaecologist. Firstly, I was surprised at having heard from her at all and secondly, what man wouldn't want to hear from his wife and mother of his future child?

I agreed and picked her up at her house. She told me that she knows there are good doctors at Lenmed facility in Lenasia. I then took her there, driving all the way from Centurion. I was happy that once again I was reunited with her and everything that had happened prior was almost certainly forgiven. We went to the gynae who inspected her and the only problem I found was when the doctor asked when the last time we had sex was ... to save her virtue I said Tuesday, it was Friday, and the doctor frowned. She then said, if that were true then there's a lot of extra, let's say 'fluid' there. My heart broke yet again because it only meant that perhaps someone else had added their 'fluid' to the mix.

Well the main thing is that all was fine, the baby was developing well and it's mother was well. We then had lunch and I took her home. It would be perhaps 2 months since I would see her again but through no fault of mine but rather because she once again ceased communication and cut me totally out of her life barring me from seeing her or finding out about my child.

One morning, as before, she called me and asked me to meet her. I met her at the Caltex garages in Midrand where she had arrived in her parents Jeep and I in my BMW. I parked the car and climbed into hers. Yet again I was ecstatic that I was in her presence again. I was consumed by my love for her and I mean that in the best meaning of the word. I hugged her, bought us something to eat and sat by her. She had something she had to tell me and I was all ears. Here's Version 1 of the story:



After showing me a sonar of the baby, a picture, she said that our son, Aryaan, that was the name we had chosen, was no longer there. There were complications and she had aborted our child for medical reasons. This story she apparently had shared with her parents also. It made sense, it was well rounded and totally believable.

My heart broke! I mean you could never feel that kind of pain or even begin to imagine what that would feel like, unless perhaps you've been in this exact same position. I really can't express to you the feeling of loss and dread I had eating me up inside. I fought the tears and I fought hard but my fighting wasn't enough and we both sat and cried. I thanked her for letting me know and life moved on. 

Later on Version 2 of the story appeared and it went like this:



Her father and family had found out that she was pregnant. Now because she already had three children to take care of, without any job or money, her father had, in her mind, influenced her to have an abortion and that it would've been a huge strain on the family, financially if they had to take care of yet another child. What kind of future would the child have? How would they get by?

This story angered me and obviously made me hate her father, parents and family! You would've felt the same way trust me. What kind of morality is that? Who teaches their children to abort babies for reasons such as that? I was horrified and sickened. Version 1 was easily swallowed but knowing a healthy foetus was killed for such a stupid reason because I could obviously support the child made know sense to me.

Now before you start thinking about this too much, let me relate Version 3 to you...



Ok so I mentioned before that I didn't know that she was seeing her ex-boyfriend again. Why would I? She was my newly married wife? Nobody's that morally devoid are they? Well Version 3 goes around that. She was seeing her boyfriend and they were doing drugs together and partying like life was the best it could ever be. In order for her to continue her relationship with him, she couldn't have my child because, God forbid, how would that look? She also told me that since she hadn't seen me or heard from me, it didn't make sense for her to have my child and she decided to abort the child. How many husbands do you think would love to hear such a story. Now because she appeared extremely honest and open, I believed this story and I suppose would've always believed it until one day she told me about Version 4....



Here's Version 4. She had to have the abortion because she had taken so much drugs and partied so hard with her boyfriend that the baby had become deformed inside her. There was nothing anyone could do to save the baby and our child's life was ended due to this. This version enraged me totally. It had been her own actions that had ended the life of my child! How irresponsible was that? What kind of person would do that? She had 3 kids already so why would she do this to our baby? Again because she said this was the truth and was open about it, I appreciated the truth and forgave her somewhat in my heart.

So throughout 2011, this is what I was fed about the loss of our child. It is now June 2014 and now another story had popped up. What infuriates me the most is, she has been the one telling me the reasons she had the abortion, no one else but each time the story is told it changes it seems to fan her ego and make her come across as the better person so once again tonight, 24th June 2014, 3 years after I put all this as fact in my heart, she gives me Version 5! Yes there's a Version 5!!!



Here's the new improved 2014 Version of the abortion and murder of my child.... wait for it, it now goes like this:

So after all the pain and anguish I felt over the past 3 years, this is the reason I get now. Apparently, she now tells me that all the other stories, I had perceived the way I told them and, get this, she told me those fantastic stories because that's exactly what I expected from her?!!!!!!!! What the hell?!

Ok so I'm going to tell you why this story is perhaps the biggest lie of them all:


Perhaps I should leave you the reader to figure this one out because I can tell you that she's now able to act as though anything she has done prior to recent events were all a figment of my twisted imagination and to that I can only shake my head and say, I wish it was.....

Maybe God will reveal the truth to me one day but clearly a woman who can lie, cheat and throw all moral to the wind as though it were nothing, is someone whose very words cannot be trusted or am I wrong? How would you feel if you were me? What would you have done? Does anyone deserve to go through and be put through this kind of hell?

You may need a second opinion on this one if you're not sure but common sense should tell you how wrong this 1 LINER is from Wife 2 ..... and it goes a little something like this, remembering she was an extremely frequent drug user, extremely frequent and this should help explain the mentality of this woman. Please try not to laugh too loud when your read this!

These are her words not mine and I wish I was making it up.

I've heard people say that if you don't respect money you'll end up poor. In my life I have been homeless, had money and I can tell you I honestly believe that money can't buy love or happiness. These things come from inside yourself. Realistically I do understand that we can only make our way in this world with money.

I worked myself up from a little casual in a retail store to eventually become a regional manager as well as a store manager with the same company. I have worked myself up through the ranks and all the while earning a salary and watching that grow. Times were often tough in the beginning but as my career flourished so did my annual income. After 13 years I had bought myself a brand new 3 series BMW and I could buy whatever I wanted.

Now conversely you must imagine there are people that have no appreciation or understanding of money, people who have never slaved a day in their lives as I have done. People who have no respect for money and amassing things. The kind of mentality that will forever drive themselves to the depths of despair whilst still having the ability to earn money. Strange right? Wrong, this is a norm for some ... here's a story to show you what money does to some people and how their own mind's make them poor.

My second wife when we met told me these immortal words which are forever etched into my mind


Let me tell you something, that couldn't have been further from the truth! She had 3 children yes but as for strong and independent.... what a load of BS! She had never lived by herself a day in her life, even as a married woman, she made her and her husband live with her parents. She wasn't even independent enough to live on her own married or not and perhaps to her benefit but she wasn't even close to independent! She squandered her money on men and drugs and had no savings to show for it. She never had a job longer than 5 years and since I met her could only keep a job for a few months before getting fired with 1 job lasting for a month.

So in 2012 she got a job. I will stray from the details for now as that will form part of a few other stories, anyway to help her out, I loaned her my BMW to get to and from work with the agreement that she would pay the instalment of the car for the length of time she used it and she agreed. She even tried to get a car of her own and that didn't work so she used my car.

Work from the start was a problem to her. The issues began just barely a few days in. Barely a few months into this new job and she was squandering her cash. So much so that every single month I had to loan her money to the tune of between R1500 - R3000 and I was living off my own provident fund which I received from my company upon leaving.

I bought her a beautiful wedding ring, bought her clothing, underwear, you name it. I never hesitated for a second. In the back of my mind, I pondered how I was going to refill my account since I myself had no job but that's where the thought stayed. So she's driving my BMW like a queen, doing her thing like she worked for it and living large, all the while disrespecting money as though it flowed like water.

Then one day coming home she and I were chatting on the phone while she was driving home. I asked her to end the conversation and focus on her driving since it was raining and I considered it very dangerous. It wasn't long after that I received a call to say she was involved in an accident and the car was smashed. I immediately made arrangements for her to be assisted since I had no way to get to her.

It turns out that the BMW that I had worked so hard for and dreamt about was smashed and not only that it was a write-off. The car was gone. She hadn't been hurt except for a concussion. I paid petrol money to a friend, who generously drove us to police stations and helped us with the children. Thinking that without a car our lives would be thrown into upheaval and she wouldn't be able to get to work, I assisted her in trying to get a car but once again she had no luck whatsoever. I paid cabs to take us where we wanted to go, all the while watching my bank account get depleted more and more.

I then put together the last of my money which I was keeping as a startup for my own business, which was around R24000 and bought her a 1995 Honda Ballade. Needless to say that car was stolen under her watch also. When her work took back her phone, I lent her my Blackberry phone to use and lo and behold while shopping with her children the phone was stolen out of her bag!

She received a payout once she lost her job for her own idiocy and inability to work as part of a team as well as lack of work ethic. That too got depleted and was gone as soon as she got it with me at least getting a laptop. Things then went down as one would expect it to. I had to sell the wedding ring I bought her as well as my Playstation 3. As you can well see money doesn't last in this woman's hands but all the while whether under the wrongful belief of her own subconscious wiring and self-righteousness.

I have lost more to this woman than to anyone ever in my entire life. My brother had warned me before saying that my uncle had supported such a woman and once she and her children had taken every cent from him, he became worthless to them and they left, leaving my uncle  with barely a dime to his name. I told my brother my wife wasn't like that and guess what, once my money was up, I suddenly became worthless.

Even now if you ask her about what I'd done for her with my money, whether it be lending cash to her parents or buying her kids things, she will tell you she had absolutely no part to play in it and as for all the things I've lost, she's crashed etc she will gladly tell you that it was money I owed her for the rent for staying with her! I now sit with a zero bank account and get to watch her squander every cent which I earn while she pretends with my money.

Can anyone tell me please where the hell the real person is who said:

because after 4 years of being married to this woman I still haven't seen strength, independence and as for love, let's just say it comes in drips and drabs... The biggest lie she's ever told has been the one she told herself! Here's the best part after emptying my provident fund and taking the R5000 I earn now every month she'll tell me that a man's duty is to support his family, so what kind of a man am I? Oh and my favourite line is also "I never told you to spend a cent on me". WHAT A FRIGGING JOKE!

Why complain, it's only money right?

I have always thought I had surrounded myself with good people throughout the 34 or so years in my existence in this world, that is until I met wife number 2. My mind however, cannot rationalise why anyone would lie or tell stories, so when someone tells me a story that I personally can't understand or fathom, I try to break the story up so that I can make it ... more digestable and then convince myself the story could be true.

Now here's once again a story that only fools or drug users / addicts may believe. I swear the story I'm about to tell you was told with the people involved believing everything as the 'honest to God' truth and may also perhaps explain the intelligence levels of those involved or perhaps just the twisted imagination of people who are high.... judge for yourself.

So one night I felt like just doing something fun but seeing as I was tired from a 10 hour shift as a retail store manager, I needed to just unwind and relax. I decided to take my wife to drive-in. Now as I've explained before we lived in different parts of Gauteng. My wife lived in Johannesburg with her parents and 3 kids, from her prior marriage and I lived in Centurion, Pretoria or Tshwane as it's now known. She also had to have her 'best friend' Reza fetch her and drop her off by me.

Anyway so this night we were on our way to the drive-in. As I drove my wife decided to tell me why she had reservations about going to the drive-in now as opposed to the many times before that we had gone there together. She then proceeded to tell me the strangest, well let's just say fantasy story I had ever heard in my life and as you know she had many such stories. This story ranks up there with the best of them.


I looked at her and asked her where she had heard such a ludicrous story because we had been there so many times before without seeing or hearing about any incidents at all? I had not read a single newspaper article or seen anything on television about such a story. Such a story would be huge global news, I'm sure. She then said that Reza had told her this. I shook my head in amazement, truly shocked. What a totally wild story. Anyone who has ever heard a story like this knows you should call the bluff or risk the other person believing such crap so when we finally arrived at the drive-in in Randburg, I asked the cashier at the box-office if he had ever heard such a story before.

The cashier, shook his head in disbelief and then said in all the years he had worked at the drive-in he had never encountered any problems or even heard of such a thing. I then turned to my wife and confirmed with her whether or not she had heard what was said and she nodded. That night she jumped at almost every sound she heard outside the car.

Just goes to show you how gullible drug addicts / drug users are and to be honest, this was one of the least incredible stories I was ever told but to these idiots, this was the gospel truth! Geez!

Some stories are harder to tell as I think I still am making heads or tails of them. At that moment when things don't make sense, you get lost in all the confusion caused by an explosion of emotion, anxiety and the puzzle of soul - tearing pain. It seems the old adage that hindsight is 20/20 rings true because it is only when we distance ourselves from these events that the underlying truths start getting revealed. So without further ado, here's Running, Screaming, Hostage Taking and of course, The Police.....

June 2011
I phoned my wife and told her we've got to talk. She had been vanishing recently, coming home late and a whole lot of other things were not making sense. The conversation was not going well and suddenly instead of the arrogant sound in her voice, I detected a faint tinge of fear and reluctance. We had to sort things out, things were getting out of control and I honestly needed to piece things together before they flew totally out the window.

I finished work and drove home to my townhouse in Centurion, Pretoria I was tired when I entered the house. My wife was busy making something in the kitchen and our baby daughter lying drinking her bottle in her cot in the other room. I then decided to voice my opinions and start the process of figuring things out. I pulled a chair into the middle of the lounge and told my wife to sit down. I then locked the front door and said we were going to sit down and have a serious conversation about our lives because thing were definitely wrong between us. I put the house keys in my pocket.


It was then that our baby daughter started to cry in the bedroom. My wife went to the bedroom but the crying continued. She turned to me and told me that the baby was crying for her favourite toy which had been washed and was hanging on the washing line. I gave her the keys so that she could fetch the white rabbit.



Distracted by the crying child, I hadn't noticed that 10 minutes had passed since my wife had said she was going to fetch the toy. Eventually when the baby had calmed down, I walked to the washing line outside. No one was there. I walked into the yard and no one was there. I walked the entire circumference of the house with her not anywhere. I then walked into the house and checked each of the rooms ensuring that perhaps she hadn't walked back into the house and I hadn't noticed.

Nope, she was nowhere to be found. I then called her cellphone but got no answer. Where was she? I had no idea what was going on. I then dressed my daughter warmly, put her into her car seat, strapped her in and climbed into my car.

I drove around the estate in which I lived. Around in circles. Checking everywhere. I tried calling my wife over and over but the phone rang. This continued for a while until I decided to give up because I had no idea where she was. I then went to the security gate where 2 security guards had been stationed and asked them whether or not they had seen a woman come by on foot. At that moment I saw a police van stop and didn't give it much notice until they asked the guard about the address I stayed at.


I then told the police officers that I lived at that address and they said I must drive to there and that they're coming with. Now I was totally befuddled and immensely confused. I didn't have the faintest idea what was going on or what was about to happen. I drove to my townhouse, then took my daughter out of her car seat, all this while the police watched. I then opened the door and invited them in. Putting my daughter in the cot, I then asked the police officers what the problem was.

One sat with a rifle while the other stood. The one sitting then told me that we all are going to wait. Wait? Wait for what, I thought to myself. I then offered them coffee but they then asked only for water. At least 10 long minutes passed and then another police van pulled up. My wife arrived in the other van with another police officer and like the others had his weapon drawn also.

It was at this point that I asked her: