Showing posts with label RELATIONSHIPS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label RELATIONSHIPS. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
STUDY SHOWS THAT CHEATERS DON'T CHANGE THEIR SPOTS!
This article for me is extremely informative and again may provide some background to my relationships especially to that relating to my second wife. She cheated on me several times and confessed this to me and her family but the true extent of her cheating may never ever be known to anyone but her. Anyone who has ever been in a relationship with a cheater knows exactly how this cycle works as painful and as hurtful as it may be. Read this study and gain some sort of understanding to those people who chose to violate the sanctity of their marriages / relationships:
"It is said that when a man marries his mistress, he creates a vacancy.
And research suggests the saying may well be right. Partners who are “poached” from others are more likely to cheat in their new relationship, psychologists have found.
Relationships that are formed by stealing someone’s partner are also more likely to be unhappy generally and are at a higher risk of break-up.
Scientists from the University of South Alabama asked 443 men and women how much they agreed with a series of statements to gauge their levels of commitment and satisfaction in their relationships.
The statements included “I am aware that there are plenty more ‘fish in the sea’”, “I rarely notice other good-looking or attractive people” and “our relationship makes me very happy”.
Between 10 percent and 30 percent of participants in each of the studies said they were in relationships that began when they left one romantic partner for another.
Professor Joshua Foster, lead author of the studies by the University of South Alabama, said: “Individuals who were poached by their current romantic partners were less committed, less satisfied, and less invested in their relationships.”
They also paid more attention to romantic alternatives, perceived their alternatives to be of higher quality, and engaged in higher rates of infidelity compared to non-poached participants.’
The results, published in the Journal of Research in Personality, also showed that those who left one partner for another were more likely to possess negative personality traits such as being self-absorbed, vain or arrogant, as the scientists expected.
But they were surprised to find that “introverts” were more likely to be poached than extroverts.
“The introversion finding was surprising because previous research suggested that people who get a lot of poaching attempts tend to have outgoing personalities (they’re extroverted),” Professor Foster said.
“But we found that people who are successfully poached are the opposite, that is socially passive. It might be that being outgoing puts you in a position to get a lot of attempts - perhaps simply because you’re around people more - but being passive makes you more likely to go along with the attempts and actually get poached.”
[SOURCE - iol.co.za]Thursday, August 28, 2014
HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH? IT MAY AFFECT YOUR MARRIAGE! Read This!
Women who had many lovers before they wed are more likely to go on to have unhappy marriages, a study claims.
But, the research suggests, this does not appear to apply to men – who apparently can play the field before tying the knot without fear of any detrimental effect on their future marital bliss.
More than half of women (53 percent) who had only ever slept with their future husband felt highly satisfied in their marriage, falling to 42 percent for those who have had two partners, the study found.
Yet barely a fifth (22 percent) of women who had ten or more partners went on to feel highly satisfied in marriage, according to the National Marriage Project at Virginia University, in the US.
“This association was not statistically significant for men,” it said. But while the husbands may appear to do very well out of the findings, there is a downside – and one that is not too flattering for men.
For, in attempting to explain the reason for the trend, the study’s authors said the more experience a woman has had of other partners, may increase her awareness of alternatives – quite possibly better ones.
“A strong sense of alternatives is believed to make it harder to maintain commitment to, and satisfaction with, what one already has,” says co-author Professor Galena Rhoades of the Denver University’s psychology department.
“Marriage involves leaving behind other options, which may be harder to do with a lot of experience.” The report adds: “Having had more relationship experiences prior to marriage also means more experience of breaking up. A history of multiple break-ups may make people take a more jaundiced view of love and relationships.”
The study tracked the relationships of 1 294 men and women aged 18-34 for five years, during which 418 got married.
Professor Rhoades said many young people in “Generation YOLO (you only live once)” believe what happens while you’re young won’t affect your future.
“But our research paints a different picture. How they conduct their romantic lives before they tie the knot is linked to their odds of having happy marriages,” she said. - Daily Mail
Now does that explain my wife's unhappiness within her marriage? Perhaps but if this is her second marriage and she's acting the same way she did during her first marriage then how many people did she sleep with before her first marriage and then during her first marriage and after her first marriage and the exact same questions apply for her second marriage..... there will be no happiness for her in any marriage ( even at number 50 ) until she realises that her biggest problem lies within her.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
YOU CAN'T CHOOSE WHO YOU LOVE ... OR CAN YOU?
YOU CAN’T CHOOSE WHO YOU LOVE ... OR CAN YOU?
When my first marriage ended and my second wife became my
focus, somewhere in the loud silence within the far reaches of my mind a tiny
light glimmered. The light bearing something earth shattering to knowing
myself. How long had this light been there? I really can’t tell you but what
started out as a flicker in an abyss of darkness started throbbing and growing.
The light was the realisation which would forever change my
thoughts and question my very sanity and the functioning of my heart and soul.
The light was the dawning of a sad and honest reflection of who I was truly
deep inside and what it was my heart wanted.
Now I could use words such as sadistic and narcissism but I
could go on and on about that. The light that I speak of was the knowledge that
I seemed to be attracted to a specific kind of woman. Sadly, it seems my life
plan had wavered very far of course that I could and still can’t see where it
started. How did I get to this? Why did I become like this?
Perhaps it stems in a Freudian fashion back to my own mother
and my feelings toward her. My mother was strong and demanding, a true
patriarch, the kind of woman who took charge and got things done. The matriarch
set the standard for all women in me and my siblings lives to forever bask in
that shadow without a chance of getting close to as virtuous or decent as she
was.
So how far of course had my path diverged, you may be
wondering? What’s so special about my love of a certain kind of woman and the
realisation thereof? Let me break it down this way and then you may understand
this just a little more:
WIFE ONE
- Married for 10 years
- Had a poor relationship with her parents and family
- Had sex with her cousin on an ongoing basis
- Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and Manic Depression
- Suffered a few miscarriages while we were married
- Was a pathological liar
- Had 2 children while we were married, one of which I know is mine
- Slept with different men for the duration of her pregnancies
- Claimed she slept with her boss so that her review would always be good and not get Any warnings
- Slept with men in parking lots, our bed and our home
- Fond of taking any kind of prescription drugs
- Institutionalised for bipolar disorder
- Became and married a lesbian / same sex partner whom she met while getting help
WIFE TWO
- Was married before and had 3 children divorced at 26
- Cheated on her first husband many times with a married man
- Married for nearly 2 weeks before she started cheating
- Aborted our child because she wanted a relationship with her ex-boyfriend, while we were married
- Enjoyed being a regular drug user to the point of being an addict
- Met and slept with men from Facebook
- Disappeared with my best friend of nearly 20 years for 7 hours and thus ending our friendship
- Has a strange affinity to her brother the surpasses normal affection
- Has “daddy issues”
- Was raped 4 times in her life
- Is a pathological liar
- Slept with co-workers and bosses to the point where it’s cost her her career
I could go on and on but I’m sure you get the picture by
now. I seem to be attracted to these kinds of women. They show no real love or
affection like the rest of us and a relationship with these kind of people are
only to the detriment of the other person.
I really have no idea why I’m drawn to these women, it’s not
like my mother didn’t warn me against these kinds of women but perhaps somehow,
somewhere, I must get off on this. The realisation was definitely an eye opener
and also almost certainly may suggest the I may need psychological help from a
therapist of some sort to help me out.
I do know that if I'm attracted to anyone it must mean that there's something wrong with the person, a 'spider-sense' if you will or perhaps a specialised radar, but whatever you want to call it, know that it just means that I should probably be better off staying away from that person.
I will ask you this question one more time and this time
really think about it for a moment, you cant choose who you love.... or can
you?
Friday, November 8, 2013
YOU DON'T DO DRUGS, SO YOU'RE NOT WELCOME IN MY HOUSE
Now anyone that’s read my posts will know by now that when I start a story that goes “I have a friend...” knows who I’m really talking about. This story is no exception so without further ado let’s proceed with today’s story entitled:
YOU DON’T DO DRUGS SO YOU’RE NOT WELCOME IN MY HOUSE
So right, I have this friend, let’s call him Jerry. Jerry married this woman ... her name is ... well today let’s call her Becky. Becky had divorced her husband because well he wasn’t nice and she had an affair and the guilt ate at her so that relationship was pretty much doomed. They did however have 3 children together.
Okay, let’s get back to Jerry, before Jerry married Becky, she had made him go speak to her father because in her paranoiac mind she figured out some plot against her and Jerry by her ex-husband and her brother. Jerry, being the gentleman he was, and believing through his love-filled rose tainted glasses that his beloved would never play him for the fool, proceeded to go and speak to her father.
Jerry was honest and told her father exactly how much he
felt for Becky and so on. Nothing was ever the same after that again. The next
time they would meet, Becky’s dad nicely refused to let him past the driveway
gate. He had stood in the rain that night when he was denied access to their
house.
Jerry and Becky then decided to get married, with Becky
finding the correct religious advisor to perform the marriage and also a place
for the marriage to take place as well as a time. This was done unbeknownst to
her parents.
As time went by Jerry started noticing something about
Becky, her friends and her family. He couldn’t meet Becky at home, due to her
father’s animosity towards him so she made elaborate plans with what she called
her friends in a way that they would fetch her and take her to wherever she
could meet Jerry.
Becky’s so called friends who were allowed in the house, to
sleep there and Lord knows do what also, were okay for Becky’s father to have
associate with his daughter. These friends were less than desirable compared to
Jerry. Jerry had worked hard all his life and his career was moving forward. He
was stable and pleasant both in character and demeanour.
Becky’s first friend, let’s call him Bob was far older than
Becky. He had met her when she was 13 and he was way older and had tried to
entice her to him by buying her a jeans. The story goes that they had been
friends ever since.
Becky’s other partner in crime was her cousin, let’s call
her Fiona. Fiona, if memory serves me correctly had gone through having regular
abortions at the rate of about 1 every 2 years from the age of 12 or 14.
Both of Becky’s friends were regular drug users. They did
drugs daily and with Becky. Jerry didn’t know this of course till long
afterwards. So these were the friends that Becky and her family deemed fit to
be around their daughter. Jerry tried again to enter Becky’s house but was once
again denied.
In the meantime, Fiona and Bob were allowed to come and go
as often as they liked. Taking Becky away from Jerry and convincing her that
Jerry was bad. Becky did drugs with them and even though she was under the
watchful eye of her parents, she had the world to explore with her two friends
by her side.
About a year later after things had cooled down and Jerry
was allowed back into Becky parents house, he asked her father how it was that
drug addicts and whores were allowed to associate with his daughter but he,
Jerry, who had never touched drugs or did anything as vile as they did was not
allowed to come inside, the father then replied....
“We didn’t know they were using drugs.”
You can imagine how shocked Jerry was. Apparently most of
Becky’s peers and community knew she was a drug user and the kind of reputation
these friends had. I would even go so far as to say that her siblings and ex-husband also knew.
Jerry’s perspective will forever and always be that he
wasn’t allowed into that house but drug addicts, users and women who would have
made more money by charging their bedfellows for their services were.
Moral of this story, be very careful who you choose to chase
away from your house and who you allow into your house. You may be shocked at
what lurks in those hallowed rooms within your abode.
Saturday, October 12, 2013
SOCIAL NETWORKING - HOW DETRIMENTAL ARE THEY TO RELATIONSHIPS
Now in all honesty I truly believe in the good in people.
When given any choice they will make the right choice. Now I hear some of you
laughing. Perhaps it’s naive but I try not to be too cynical. So when your
partner is on Social Networking platforms like Facebook, Whatsapp, Mxit even
Linkedin, you shouldn’t have any serious concerns because you know your partner
won’t do anything wrong or get mixed up with strange things.
When I married my second wife, the Imam said, “don’t let
Facebook become a problem.” I smiled and my wife and I left. It bothered me then and after all I’ve been
through, it still bothers me. Had Facebook become such a problem that holy men
were talking about it to newlyweds?
Now I’ve read stories where people have changed their
relationship status to ‘single’ while they were still in a relationship and
this caused real issues in there lives. I myself am no stranger to things that
happen online but the question I’m
posing here is do you really wan to blame all these Social Networking
platforms? With technology today, we have everything at our fingertips, so
should you monitor and perhaps even block your partner?
My answer simply is that of so many gun owners, guns don’t
kill people, people kill people. Shouldn’t this philosophy extend itself to
something like Facebook and the like? Can you really blame social networking or
is it the responsibility of the person using it?
Now at the same time I hear people saying but rather perhaps
abstain from using it, problem solved right? Wrong, sure abstinence could work
but where do you draw the line? Where does it stop? Before you know it you’re
living in a technology free household and holding onto a false sense of
security.
Let me say this to you, if you don’t trust your partner on
any internet forum then perhaps the problem is actually between you and your
partner, not the platform. The platform mainly provides a service and how it’s
used depends totally on the person using it. You will literally drive yourself
crazy trying to stop what will probably be the inevitable anyway...
According to PsychCentral in a post entitled "FACEBOOK CAN DAMAGE A RELATIONSHIP" the following was found:
"For many, social networking sites are integral to relationships, but a new study finds that Facebook use could actually damage users’ romantic relationships.
"Researchers from the University of Missouri found that individuals who use Facebook excessively are far more likely to experience Facebook-related conflict with their romantic partners.This acrimony can cause negative relationship outcomes including emotional and physical cheating, breakup and divorce.
In the study, researcher Russell Clayton and collegues surveyed Facebook users ages 18 to 82 years old. Participants were asked to describe how often they used Facebook and how much, if any, conflict arose between their current or former partners as a result of Facebook use.The researchers found that high levels of Facebook use among couples significantly predicted Facebook-related conflict, which then significantly predicted negative relationship outcomes such as cheating, breakup, and divorce."
To read more from PsychCentral click here
Friday, September 27, 2013
WHY DO WOMEN CHEAT?
Why Do Women Cheat?
That must be the question on the lips of anyone who ever
loved a woman and had her cheat on you. Circumstances for every situation are
different and therefore cannot be given one single universal answer. Maybe you
made her angry, maybe that’s her personality, who knows, but whatever the
reason or factors are, the fact remains, she cheated on you...
I have been married twice and twice I’ve had the same
result. One has bipolar disorder and the other a pathological liar. Sure, I
could blame this on the women and totally hate women but honestly perhaps this
all stems from my poor personal choices.
Wife 1 worked as a store manager for a retail concern. I
helped her, coached her till she grew in her career. I gave her a house, food
on the table and a beautiful BMW. Was this enough? Nope! She slept with her
boss, a security guard and the guy who fixed our brakes.... hell, i could go on
with this list but I’m sure you get the picture. The excuse given when
confronted is “it’s your fault”!
My fault?! I just wanted a wife to take care of, look after
and love till my dying breath. Today she's in a same sex relationship with someone she met at a mental disorder clinic!
Wife 2 had a serious drug problem, huge daddy issues,
emotionally unstable etc etc. When we met she pretended to be someone more ‘normal’
and when she couldn’t keep up the lie anymore, she couldn’t live with it and
turned to drugs and her ex boyfriend. Nice right?! Here’s the interesting part,
we just had a child together, the boy was barely even 2 months old and she started
flirting with various men on Facebook.
One promised her a job for sex and when I found out, she
just shrugged and said “It’s a game, you don’t understand” ( my favourite
excuse by the way ) and “you nipped it in the bud”. She also took the job..... should I mention I cried for seven days?
I could tell you that I found my first girlfriend, as a
teenager, kissing some guy in my parents driveway and many other stories but
that’s of no consequence to this tale. All I’m saying is it seems that no
matter what you do, what you give, how much you dedicate yourself, it doesn’t
matter, things will happen. So what do you do?
Well you can stay and hope for the best, forgive her and
move on or you could just thank God for small miracles and walk away. I do have
a problem with the forgiveness part as it’s directly linked to forgetting. So
if you can forgive and forget, do it but if somewhere in your heart you can’t,
then don’t lie to yourself, do the right thing and move on.
Posts
