Showing posts with label LIFE. Show all posts
Showing posts with label LIFE. Show all posts
Thursday, January 30, 2014
YOU CAN'T CHOOSE WHO YOU LOVE ... OR CAN YOU?
YOU CAN’T CHOOSE WHO YOU LOVE ... OR CAN YOU?
When my first marriage ended and my second wife became my
focus, somewhere in the loud silence within the far reaches of my mind a tiny
light glimmered. The light bearing something earth shattering to knowing
myself. How long had this light been there? I really can’t tell you but what
started out as a flicker in an abyss of darkness started throbbing and growing.
The light was the realisation which would forever change my
thoughts and question my very sanity and the functioning of my heart and soul.
The light was the dawning of a sad and honest reflection of who I was truly
deep inside and what it was my heart wanted.
Now I could use words such as sadistic and narcissism but I
could go on and on about that. The light that I speak of was the knowledge that
I seemed to be attracted to a specific kind of woman. Sadly, it seems my life
plan had wavered very far of course that I could and still can’t see where it
started. How did I get to this? Why did I become like this?
Perhaps it stems in a Freudian fashion back to my own mother
and my feelings toward her. My mother was strong and demanding, a true
patriarch, the kind of woman who took charge and got things done. The matriarch
set the standard for all women in me and my siblings lives to forever bask in
that shadow without a chance of getting close to as virtuous or decent as she
was.
So how far of course had my path diverged, you may be
wondering? What’s so special about my love of a certain kind of woman and the
realisation thereof? Let me break it down this way and then you may understand
this just a little more:
WIFE ONE
- Married for 10 years
- Had a poor relationship with her parents and family
- Had sex with her cousin on an ongoing basis
- Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and Manic Depression
- Suffered a few miscarriages while we were married
- Was a pathological liar
- Had 2 children while we were married, one of which I know is mine
- Slept with different men for the duration of her pregnancies
- Claimed she slept with her boss so that her review would always be good and not get Any warnings
- Slept with men in parking lots, our bed and our home
- Fond of taking any kind of prescription drugs
- Institutionalised for bipolar disorder
- Became and married a lesbian / same sex partner whom she met while getting help
WIFE TWO
- Was married before and had 3 children divorced at 26
- Cheated on her first husband many times with a married man
- Married for nearly 2 weeks before she started cheating
- Aborted our child because she wanted a relationship with her ex-boyfriend, while we were married
- Enjoyed being a regular drug user to the point of being an addict
- Met and slept with men from Facebook
- Disappeared with my best friend of nearly 20 years for 7 hours and thus ending our friendship
- Has a strange affinity to her brother the surpasses normal affection
- Has “daddy issues”
- Was raped 4 times in her life
- Is a pathological liar
- Slept with co-workers and bosses to the point where it’s cost her her career
I could go on and on but I’m sure you get the picture by
now. I seem to be attracted to these kinds of women. They show no real love or
affection like the rest of us and a relationship with these kind of people are
only to the detriment of the other person.
I really have no idea why I’m drawn to these women, it’s not
like my mother didn’t warn me against these kinds of women but perhaps somehow,
somewhere, I must get off on this. The realisation was definitely an eye opener
and also almost certainly may suggest the I may need psychological help from a
therapist of some sort to help me out.
I do know that if I'm attracted to anyone it must mean that there's something wrong with the person, a 'spider-sense' if you will or perhaps a specialised radar, but whatever you want to call it, know that it just means that I should probably be better off staying away from that person.
I will ask you this question one more time and this time
really think about it for a moment, you cant choose who you love.... or can
you?
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
REAL LIFE - THE MOVIE! GET YOUR TICKETS HERE...
REAL LIFE – THE MOVIE! GET YOUR TICKETS HERE
The nice thing about watching TV shows or movies is that nine
times out of ten there’s a happy ending, bar some strange horror and science –
fiction movies. The scripts are well written and the story comes to an end with
everyone understanding the plot and character motives. Scenes are played out
where each character knows exactly how to answer a question and perfect timing
and thought in any conversation.
If Shakespeare truly said ‘all the world’s a stage...’ then
truly we’re in an extremely badly written play. Who truly knows exactly what
anyone else’s motives really are. You have a conversation with someone and find
yourself reliving the chat in your head long after it’s done. Perhaps you find a
better way to reply to the other person or re-evaluate the entire chat
altogether... who knows but one thing is definitely for sure, there’s no end to
the movie, no credits rolling just the next random scene of life.
As for plots, villains and heroes, we all are perhaps so
jaded that we are all the heroes in our own little universes. Nothing we do is
really wrong, it’s the other person. Don’t let someone tell you a different way
of doing something or lecture you. They had no right to! Who are they to talk
to you like that? Truth be told, in these world’s there seem to be many
villains. The woman who took your parking at the mall then the person who got
the promotion you were supposed to get and so it goes.
Life may truly be a clichéd series of moments, savour the
happy and great moments and bounce back after the bad. Take stock of the people
who love you and have allowed you into their lives. Look to the happy moments
and appreciate every single one of them. Truly there’s so much to be had in
life, no matter how bad things get, that we need to focus on those happy
moments and drown out whatever negativity may stand in our way. The good truly
drowns the bad, every single time.
Go out there and live! Who cares who said what and what you
could’ve said or done differently. Whatever’s happened has happened and nothing
can be done to change it. Move on, move forward and continue to learn from good
and bad encounters.
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